Questions that are often asked to a girl who has returned from 'Amreeka' and her not so appropriate answers

Now that I am back to my homeland for good, and lost my NRI status I am subjected to questions from relatives, family friends and acquaintances. I can understand that they are curious and they mean well. But I find their interrogation irksome and would love to give back sarcastic answers. I refrain from doing so thanks to the threats of disownment by mother dear. These are the top 10 questions asked along with the answers I would love give.

1. Why did you come back? 

Me: Excuse me? I thought you were worried about brain drain. I just came back to ease your worries.

2. When will you get married?

Me: As soon as I can find a guy stupid enough to marry me. Or do you think I should kidnap someone and force him to marry me? 

3. When will you give us good news?

Me: What kind of good news? Are you referring to the ones they show in bollywood movies, where the girl throws up indicating her pregnancy? Umm let me see. My success rate at seducing men is zero. So probably never. Unless you happen to know of a good sperm bank?

4. You have become so formal, holding doors open to strangers and saying thank you to cashiers. Is everything ok?

Me: Yes! Just going through a sickness called 'decent manners'. Will be rude enough once the sickness leaves.

5. How are you feeling right now?

Me: Extremely overwhelmed. So overwhelmed that I could punch you in the face right now.

6. Did you become a drunkard after going to america?

Me: Yes! I was famous for it. It was me who peed in front of your house after my drinking session last night.

7. Do guys and girls live in the same house before marriage?

Me: Yes! We are also famous for our orgies. 

8. You must feel lonely.. not being married?

Me: You got me there auntie. I am so lonely that I am going to build my own ice castle like the princess in frozen and sing "Let it go".

9. You must missing walking around in Bikinis?

Me: Yes auntie, I desperately miss showing off my flab and cellulite deposits.

10. Do you miss 'freedom'?

Me: Wait whaaaat? Did I miss something? Last I checked India was a free country. Did something happen that will make me miss 'freedom' ?? 

Reverse culture shock?!

Bangalore has transformed leaps and bounds. Looking at the lifestyle of the kids that seem to roam/ occupy the streets of namma Bengaluru (yes I called them kids! And yes I am officially old!) I feel like a villager oblivious to the ways of the exciting city life. I mean how on earth did the city change so much in the five years I have been away?? My lifestyle in LA seems to pale in comparison to the lifestyle these kids have.

Another noteworthy point - everyone seems to be flushed with money. The city is filled with display boards advertising luxury condos and apartments. With starting prices of 2 crores???????? I mean where do people get the money from? To buy such properties? Along with all tag haeur watches, manhalo blahnik shoes and louis vuitton bags? And all the pub hopping and eating at fancy (super expensive) restaurants? Are people tapping into some secret source of money-well that I am not aware of? If yes, can someone be kind enough to point me to that money well? I would love to be on par with early twenty somethings inhabiting Bengaluru. 

I am no doubt displaying symptoms of reverse culture shock.

P.S: How on earth do the girls appear so well groomed? I look like a poster child for chaos of gomarrah in comparison. Bengaluru is doing some serious damage to my self image.

#100HAPPYDAYS

#100HAPPYDAYS--This was one of the things that went viral on Facebook and other social media at the beginning of the year. The challenge was to post a picture of something that made you happy on that day and do this for 100 consecutive days. There was a lot of backlash against this challenge saying that its impossible for someone to be happy for 100 days. 

But this is what I thought of it- I don't have to be happy all the time, but I was quite sure, I would be happy even if it was for a minute in that day. So I began the challenge on 8th Jan 2014. Initially I found the challenge overwhelming- It was like I had to be on an alert for when I felt happy and snap a picture at that moment. After two weeks it just felt normal- a part of my routine.

When I was doing this challenge, I was suffering from depression. But this challenge helped me overcome my issues as I realized I have an extremely privileged life. That each day of my life is interesting despite the challenges I had to face. 

I thought people will be annoyed with me for posting a picture everyday and spamming their newsfeed. I was scared that I would be judged as a show-off. What I did not expect was the kindness and encouragement I received, from my friends. This helped me over come my fear of being judged and I stopped being cynical about people's attitudes. 

I am very glad I did this challenge. It made me realize how awesome my life is and how thankful I should be for what I have. It made me a positive person and gave me the courage to face things.

To quote from Bill Watterson's Calvin and Hobbes- ' The world is a magical place Hobbes ol' buddy. Let's go exploring' -- This is how I feel about my life right now.

A collage of all the pictures taken during this challenge

Day 3: A day in paradise- Hallstatt, Austria

My euro trip was whacky so to speak. I wanted this trip to be an amalgamation of various experiences- a day in the place of my childhood dreams, a day in the alps, a day in a small non-touristy city and so on.

Hallstatt was voted as one of the best small towns in Europe, by traveler's choice. As I did more research on this town I found out that it had the oldest salt mine in the world. So I decided that I had to visit this place- plus the pictures looked gorgeous. Truth be told, the pictures I saw online did injustice to the breathtaking beauty of the place.

Nestled on the banks of Lake Hallstatt, the town of Hallstatt was famous for its salt mines. It has the typical feel of a small town, lots of cafes, rustic buildings, a small cathedral with a bell tower, which chimed every hour and the blooming flowers- harbingers of the upcoming summer.

The salt mine tour was mind blowing- I got to explore a 7000 year old mine. To reach the mine, I had to take a funicular up the mountain and I was treated to breathtaking views of the town below. The tour included a ride down a 64 ft wooden slide (it was awesome), laser shows inside the salt mine caverns and a train ride in a long tunnel. The train ride alone made the whole trip worthwhile! I was given a small salt bottle mined in those caves at the end of the tour

After the tour, I walked to a Viewing platform nestled atop Mount Salzberg, which gives a panoramic views of the city and Lake Halstatt.

The funicular to the top of the salt mine.

The caves inside the salt mine.

The wooden slide.

Salt crystals on display

The laser show inside the caverns.

Moi on the viewing platform

The view of the town from the viewing platform on Mt. Salzberg

View of the Lake Hallstatt from the funicular

I spent the afternoon, walking around town. It is extremely pretty. I spent some time sitting by the lake and reading a book. The weather seemed to have its own mind. It would rain heavily all of sudden. It seemed like the rain gods had a personal vendetta on me. Whenever I stepped out it started raining. I was wet and miserable but thankfully I found a cafe which had vegetarian options. I had some warm food and hot chocolate and was treated to some spectacular views of the lake. I was extremely happy to have found some vegetarian food in this small town. 

I did not want to leave. With a heavy heart I drove back to Salzburg to attend a formal dinner concert in a 1200 year old restaurant.

The view of the town from the south side

The restaurant by the lake Gastof Simony- Ate delicious pesto pasta, garlic bread and topped it off with hot chocolate.

View of the town from the north side.

Day 2: The drive across the austrian alps

The holidays I have taken so far kind of have a tone set i.e. I end up doing similar things or have similar experience. For e.g. if I visit national parks, its all about soaking in nature and if I visited cities its all about the diverse experience it has to offer. This journey however was markedly different from my previous ones, as it was combination of both. 

Swiss alps have earned a kind of notoriety in India, thanks to all movies shot in those locales. Majority of the Indians visiting Europe makes it a point to visit the swiss alps. I guess I was in that mindset of 'When in Europe I am must visit the alps' when I was planning. However I chose an offbeat section of the Alps (its not even Switzerland) to visit or rather drive across. 

It is 48 km of road across a section of the Austrian Alps called Grossglockner. Its open only 5 months of a year and I must say the drive was spectacular. The road had opened to traffic a week before my visit and I pretty much had the road to myself. I must say I loved the lack of crowds as I could stop when I pleased at turnouts and savor the beauty and majesty of the alps. There are 36 bends along the road and at certain turnouts you can view the these bends.

The view of the hairpin curves at one of the turnouts.

I had the road to myself :D I could fix a tripod in the middle of the road to snap pictures

When I started driving on the road, the weather was amazing- clear blue skies, amazing sunshine and the snow around me glittered like diamonds. 

As I approached the highest point on this drive, I decided to take a break at one of the cafes and savor Austrian pancakes- A decision I came to regret. In a matter of 20 minutes, the clouds appeared out of nowhere and it started snowing! I have never driven in snow! I have lived all my life in the tropics. The 20 minutes drive from 8848 ft to 6000 ft, was the scariest in my life. Visibility was bad and the roads were slippery. I started chanting Hanuman Chalisa and was close to getting a heart attack. Eventually, the snowfall abated (they were around only on the top) and I could breathe easy. I thanked god and the rest of my drive was uneventful. There is a hike to a glacier along the drive. The path was closed due to inclement weather.I stopped at a beautiful hamlet called Heiligenblut which is at the end of the drive. I snapped more pictures and drove on to Salzburg. 

Snowfall at the highest point on the drive.

The other side of the mountain and I had clear skies once again. Thank heavens!

The view of the Heiligenblut valley.

The chapel at Heiligenblut- with Austrian alps in the background

P.S: The drive to Salzburg on the autobahn at 200kmph was not as scary as the 10kmph drive in snowy conditions on Grossglockner. Irony!

Day 1: Visiting the land of romance- Neuschwanstein and Linderhof Castles

My favorite memory of childhood is the one where Ajji (dad's mom) would do kai tuttu (putting small morsels of food on hand) under the moonlight and captivate me with stories and fairytales. The magical worlds described in those fairytales enthralled me. I spent countless hours with my sister making up our own fairytale worlds which eventually turned into a hair pulling, kicking and name calling fight as both of us wanted to be the same character in that story. As I grew older I began reading about the origin of fairytales and was surprised to discover that cinderella, rapunzel, sleeping beauty etc were of written by german authors. Thus began my fascination with german romantic literature and I have always wanted to visit Bavaria, the setting for many of these tales. 

On May 11th 2014, I finally got to visit Bavaria the place I have dreamt of since childhood. I must say my imagination did injustice to the beauty of this place. The rolling slopes, green meadows, the crisp air, flowers in bloom-- it was magical. The drive itself put me on a high.

I visited Neuschwanstein castle first, built by King Ludwig 2 of Bavaria, as a dedication to Wagner's operas. Its a half an hour walk up to the castle in the woods, with amazing views. The palace was never completed as Ludwig 2 died (or murdered) under mysterious circumstances. I took a tour of the castle, but wasn't allowed to take pictures inside. After the tour I headed to Mary's Bridge, from where I got amazing views of the castle.

View of the castle after the short hike

One of the walls of Neuschwanstein

Mary's bridge from the castle

The front entrance 

View of the castle from Mary's bridge

Next stop was Hohenschwangau castle. It was built by Ludwig's father and Ludwig grew up over there. Both castles are on top of small mountains and have outstanding views of the valleys below.

View of Hohenschwangau castle from Neuschwanstein

View of Neuschwanstein from Hohenschwangau

Hohenschwangau Castle

Neuschwanstein as seen from the highway

My next stop was Linderhof Castle, the smallest of the castles built by Ludwig 2. The best features of the castle were- The venus Grotto and the gardens around the palace. The king built the grotto and gardens to have musical concerts. The lucky bastard! I was truly envious. 

Linderhof Castle and the surrounding gardens

The venus grotto- There is a boat in the middle of the lake, where the king sat to listen to concerts

The tour of the castle, was creepy though. It showcased the eccentric artistic tastes of the king. His private room in particular was weird- filled with mirrors and inlaid gold patterns. Five minutes in the room, made me dizzy, sort of like a drug induced haze. Ludwig 2 spent hours in this room. May be it was his way of going on a high!

The king's private room! He even had chandeliers made out of Ivory!

After spending a day getting drenched in rain, I was looking forward to the warmth of my hotel room in Munich.

The solo road trip begins

I am a quirky person. My tastes and interests have never been mainstream. My cousin calls me a 'White Elitist' just because I enjoy going to ballets, operas, eating at michelin rated restaurants and reading classics. However I would like to reiterate that a lot of my interests aren't main stream and I am definitely not an elitist. 

I like to travel. A lot. I caught this bug from my parents, who love to travel and explore new places. Like everything in this world group travel has its pro's and cons. The major con of traveling in a group is the lack of flexibility. I don't mind having company but traveling solo has its allure as I can stick to my own timetable, visit off-beat places and activities.

I have done three solo trips so far:

• New York City for christmas and new year of 2010. (this trip wasn't completely solo as I met up with friends in NYC)
• Glacier national park in Montana where I went hiking 100 miles on my own in the wilderness.
• Boston and Acadia national park during fall to do leaf peeping (its a term americans use when they travel to check out the glorious fall colors)

Getting my parents onboard is getting easier with each trip. When I went to NYC on my own my parents were super worried and gave me a call every half hour. Over time they became more supportive of my wanderings. Despite them being supportive in the past, I had, had reservations of their support for my upcoming trip. I waited until I got my visa to inform them which was two days prior departure. Their reaction to this news blew me away. Instead of being cross Dad told me to take care and enjoy and and mom went on chattering about her colleagues going to Europe. I must say I am impressed! I had expected them to flip out but they surprised me by being extremely supportive and dad even offered to send me money to cover the expenses of the trip. Its official! My parents are the coolest!! 

Thus my solo road trip to Europe (the first among many I hope) began on 9th May at 3: 30 AM when the shuttle to the airport came to pick me up. Gone are the days when flight travel excited me. Long flights are extremely tiring and boring thanks to the cramped seats, crappy food and no sleep. I know these are first world problems, but getting assigned to a middle seat next to a snoring guy (I had an aisle seat before) to accommodate a newly married couple puts me in a funny mood. Is it fate's way of mocking at me for being single? Don't I get enough of it already? :(

The first leg from LA to Newark seemed to last forever . The second leg of the journey from Newark to Munich was comfortable, as I got my assigned aisle seat (my prayers got answered thankfully, else I would have killed the couple who took my seat!). I befriended an adorable 3 year old who looked exactly like the girl described in the nursery poem 'chubby cheeks'. She sat on my lap for 3 hours, played with me and cried murder when I gave her back to her dad. Awwww! 

Seven hours later I landed in Munich got my passport stamped, ate lunch at airport, picked up the rental car and got lost in the narrow alleys thanks to road signs in German. Finally I reached the hotel and bought a parking ticket for 28 euro, because I realized I will never find parking on those narrow streets (San Francisco city streets felt huge in comparison and that's something). I spent the whole day curled up in bed instead of exploring Munich because I had gone without sleep for 36 hours. Peace \m/.

Joys of having an Indian Passport

I planned my Europe trip the very last minute. I realized I can go on a solo trip (read as afford) as soon as I got back my tax returns. Hence the planning began two weeks before the intended date of departure (I am very well known for my last minute antics).

I was under the assumption that obtaining Schengen visa will be easy, but my illusion was shattered soon enough. Since my point of entry to the EU was at Munich, I had to apply for a Schengen visa at a German consulate. I started looking through the German consulate websites for the various documents required to obtain a visa. There was no consistency as each consulate in the United states had listed different set of documents required in order to obtain a visa. For e.g SF german consulate needed W2 (tax filing form) for the last three years where as the consulate in LA did not mention anything about needing a W2.

The reason for this inconsistency is because people with american passports can fly to Germany (or 172 countries across the globe) visa free and consulates don't need to worry about having a streamlined visa process in the US much to my annoyance.

The list of documents I needed to obtain a visa seemed endless-- They needed a valid airline ticket, travel insurance (apparently my insurance in the US wont cover for up to $60k on international travel), pre- booked hotel/ hostel reservations, employment verification letter, bank statements for the last three months (to prove that I have sufficient funds), W2, my pay stubs for the last three months, copies of all the visas in my passport, my EAD card and I 20. By the time I got all these documents ready I was pissed off. Because if I did not get my visa on time I would lose a lot of money, thanks to my non refundable pre- bookings. All because of a passport. Sigh.!

Some of the guys I know at my lab who have American passports went hitchhiking and couch- surfing all across Europe with probably 100$ in their pockets. I don't think they had insurance, and some of them worked part time at bars to make money for their onward travel. And here I am subjected to the torture of getting a visa every time I want to travel. By the time I finished taking printouts of the documents needed I was hatching a devious plan. To trap some American citizen guy and make him marry me. That way I can get an American passport in three years. Sounds preposterous I know. But hey-- I was frustrated and coming up with devious ideas kept me sane.

The visa interview went on smoothly. I bonded with the visa officer by talking about Tristan and Isolde and other Wagner's operas. She was impressed with my knowledge of Germany (as I went on talking about why I wanted to visit the places and how it was my childhood dream etc) and assured me that I would get my visa as she wanted help me fulfill my childhood dreams. Reading a lot pays off I guess.

On my way back home, from the consulate I began praying, for the patience needed to go through this process again--Unless I let my devious side take me over. 

The European Odyssey

I know it's been really long since my last post. Beginning of the year I promised myself that I would write one post a week, roughly translating to 4 posts a month. But I have failed to stick to that plan so far and hopefully I can make up for it from here on. 

I had the best 8 days of my life last week. The reason for my happiness? My solo road trip for 8 days in central Europe. Last year in particular has been very hard on me. I discovered that I suffered from ADHD. I had a host of other emotional issues I had to deal with and I was at the lowest point in my life. But I would like to say that, seeking help and trying to fix the issues that have been plaguing me has been a major turning point in my life. I feel like a whole new person, a phoenix born from the ashes. I am really happy I got this second chance from life- To discover how beautiful the world around me is, to get to know how wonderful people are. 

I got support from random people and I truly believe that I am blessed to have all this love, affection and warmth around me. I know life will have its ups and downs and it wont be easy. But I have realized that life is beautiful and the world is a magical place. Good or bad, I have a lot to learn, lot to explore and be extremely thankful for the privileged life I have.

I want to blog about my trip in Europe as I really want to share my happiest experience with everyone. So stay tuned.

Romantically Challenged

I read a brilliant article on buzzfeed, about dating. I can relate because that's how I feel about dating. Dating/ Romance happens to be a skill missing from my repertoire of social skills. I cannot romance to save my life. 

These are the reasons as to why I am still single and not capable to mingle:

1. I love my parents. You may wonder how that is related to me being single. Here's how: My parents won't be happy if I date a guy outside my caste. Also they are strong believers in astrology. Unless the horoscopes match they won't give their blessing to any guy I date/ have a relationship with. I won't date a guy unless I get their blessing. My parents criteria makes 99% of the men on planet earth undatable. Finding someone compatible in that 1% seems like work of fiction. Loving one's own parents can be hazardous to one's dating/ romance life.

2. Corny statements don't make me blush-- instead they make me laugh. Like LOL! ROFTL! So if a guy tries to hit on me by coming up with a corny statement- such as comparing me to the moon --my left brain takes precedence over my right. I analyze the statement logically and find fallacy with it. I find it hilarious and respond with sarcasm. This happens to be the best guy repellant in my armor. 

3. I don't know how to behave like a female (or what ever that means). I don't give a damn about chivalry. There are times when I have carried a guy's bag or held the door open for him. I don't do it on purpose. I just look at the practicality of the situation i.e. I am closer to the door and it makes no sense to wait for a guy to open it. Turns out such actions on my part makes the guy lose his erection.

4. I cannot flirt. I have no idea how to be cloyingly sweet and attract attention. Thinking about it gives me cooties. 

5. I hate dressing up and looking good. Dressing up for a date is way too complicated. Hair needs to be done, make up needs to be done, appropriate clothes, shoes and accessories need to be selected. It takes ages to get ready! The suffering doesn't end after getting ready--the clothes that make me look good are the ones that make me so uncomfortable that it makes me wanna rip it off and burn it. Don't even get me started on the shoes. I am sure all the good looking shoes were once used as torture devices in the middle ages. They are designed to kill feet. Why would I willingly want to go through this torture, just so that I look good for him? 

6. I will be showing more interest towards food than the guy. I mean its food-- My first love. Food is readily available and comes with no strings attached. Why would I care about how the guy looks/ smiles/ talks when I am already being satiated? 

The list can go on and on. I suck at dating/ romancing a guy. Big deal. Gives me more time to do things I am good at.

Happy New Year! Take pride in being single.