First World Problems

Sometimes I catch a virus called First World Problems or FWP  A short summary of the disease is given below:

Cause: Usually triggered off by interacting with people under very normal circumstances.

Symptoms: Depression, Hopelessness, Identity Crisis and Panic Attacks

Cure: Eating high calorie junk food and moving on to the denial phase.

Definition of First World Problem virus:

Virus that attacks the well endowed class. It makes people forget the big picture and helps them focus on trivial and shallow problems. Example: Not finding my favorite pasta sauce and having to settle for a different sauce makes me annoyed. I know I should be grateful for being able to afford the food I want to eat. Yet I am angry for having to change my dinner plans.

How I caught this virus three days back:

It was a normal Friday afternoon. I had a productive day and was in a good mood. I was waiting in line at the USC pharmacy to pick up my prescription medications. That's when I noticed him. He was soooooo gorgeous. Looked like some chiseled greek god with his blond hair and blue eyes. He picked up something from the meds aisle and caught me staring at him. He smiled back and started talking to me. Americans are really good at the so called 'small talk'. Now he is behind me in the line. He asked me if I wanted to grab coffee with him at Ronald Tutor Hall. I have never been on dates with strangers. To be honest I don't go on dates. But being asked out by a hot guy is a huge ego booster and it made me reckless. I said yes.

Two counters opened up at the same time. So the handsome hunk and myself stand next to each other and begin checking out our meds at our respective counters. The pharmacist at the hunk's counter asked him for his date of birth. He said ' 5th May 1996'. I almost had a heart attack. He is almost 10 years younger than I am!!! He is younger than my sister! Shit! I was close to hyperventilating. Thankfully I finished my transaction before him and fled without taking a second look. The FWP virus had successfully entered my system.

Manifestation of the symptoms:

I ran out of the pharmacy and contemplated on places to hide. I felt ancient. I felt like a cradle robbing pervert. I hated being old. Thus the self loathing and self doubt began. I had gone from being immensely happy to having an intense identity crisis in less than 7 minutes. I know I should be feeling happy that a hot 18 year old flirted with me. I should feel happy that I look young and have good health. Yet I chose to ignore that. The virus is very strong you see. Its really good at the work it does. I just walked to the train station so that I could go home. My bat-cave. The place to hide and sulk till I find a cure to the FWP virus.

Finding a cure:

There isn't a fixed cure for FWP's. Its trial and error of various activities until I find the one that helps. I repeat that activity long enough for me to forget my identity crisis and transition into denial. The activities usually involve eating fattening food (I will think about cardiac arrest and diabetes after I recover) and watching TV shows. 

* I had to settle for chocolate ice-cream as it was the only fattening food I could find in my bat-cave. I watched Agents of SHIELD (all 10 episodes), finished a gallon of chocolate ice-cream and dozed off into the denial phase. 

Conclusion:

I woke up the next morning feeling shallow and stupid. I had been cured. I thank my blessings for the life I have and try to move on. But I could feel the virus lurking around in the corner waiting for its next opportunity to strike me. I am sure the virus doesn't have to wait very long. *Sigh*

P.S: If I could ever compete with Marie Antoinette for shallowness I am sure I would come close to winning. 

Namma Bengaluru

I watched Citizen Kane, yet again. Kane on his deathbed remembers a memory from his childhood which was probably the happiest times of his life. Watching it put me into a nostalgic mood and I started reminiscing about home- Bengaluru.  Happy times. Its been close to two years since I went home.

The rainy Bengaluru skies

My mom's beautiful rose garden

I have had a tough year. I realized something wasn't okay with my life. It hasn't been for a long time. I refused to accept the fact that I may be suffering from depression. I pushed off seeking help for way too long. I don't know why, its probably because of the stigma associated with any sort of mental illness. To accept help for mental illness is considered weakness and yet accepting help for depression has been one of the hardest thing I have done so far.

I went to consult a psychiatrist in August, claiming that I am not happy though I have everything I want in life. They asked me to think about the time I was the happiest and determine the reasons for my happiness. 

That's when it hit me. I haven't been happy ever since I was 15. I was happier when I did not have the things I have today. I did not have a swanky degree from one of the top schools in the US. I did not have paper publications. I did not have a huge penthouse loft in downtown Los Angeles. I did not have fancy shoes/ clothes/ books and other stuff I have today. I did not dine at fancy restaurants or do solo road trips. I did not have any gadgets. I did not have money of my own.

Yet I was in a blissful heaven. Those were the times when:

• I would wait for exams to get over and for summer holidays to begin so that I could spend endless hours in the scorching sun searching for insects, flowers, leaves, kittens, puppies in the gullies of Malleshwaram. 
• I would wait for my dad to come home so that he could take me out to buy me a softy ice- cream from MTR. 
• I would wait for that time in the evening when my grandmother would light up the lamps, incense sticks and recite prayers. 
• I would wait for the neighbors to head out so that I could steal raw mangoes from their tree. 
• I would spend countless hours plotting my next prank.
• I would have fantasies about going on rides in fun world and eating cotton candy. 
• I would wait for sunday evenings to watch a Kannada movie airing on DD1 with my family. 
• I would wait patiently to see if small change was lying around so that I could go buy the unhealthy lolly- ice candy. 
• I would patiently wait for a mosquito to let its guard down so that I could take pride in killing it. 
• I would wait for nights when my dad would take me to the railway station and feed me thair sadam (rice with yogurt) with pickle as we watched trains jostle by. 
• I would wait to go to my grandmother's house so that I could demand her to tell me stories from morning till night. 
• I would wait to come back from school so that I could watch cartoons on Cartoon Network with my sister and argue about who gets Dexter. (We both had a crush on Dexter from Dexter's lab.)

Materially I had nothing. I was in school, carefree, did not give a s*$# about my identity, did not feel bad that guys took no notice of me, did not care about my grades and performance. Yet I was rich with - happiness, innocence, naiveness, bustling energy, naughtiness, imagination. I had everything I ever wanted in life.

It sucks to grow up and fend for myself. It sucks to have a real understanding of the world. It sucks to know that I have become cynical about a lot of things in life. It sucks to know that I don't possess the richness I had, 12 years ago. 

The positive outcome of going and seeking help for depression has helped me reconnect with my childhood. I have a clearer perspective about the things I want in life. I am in the process of rediscovering the child buried deep within me. I have learned the value of small experiences.

Most importantly I have realized the value of having a wonderful childhood in Bengaluru, for giving me priceless memories to cherish for a lifetime. I miss home.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite American holiday. Being away from home I don't get to celebrate Indian festivals on a grand scale- I don't have holidays on the days of the festival, everyone is busy and I don't have the right things at home to perform an elaborate puja. 

Hence I try to compensate for things I miss out during Thanksgiving. Its about being thankful for all the great things / people in my life and spending time with my loved ones by sharing an elaborate meal. Whats good about this holiday is that I don't have to worry about getting the customs right- I just invite my friends over for dinner and we have some fun. Plus there is the added bonus of looking forward to black friday deals. I would say going to a shopping mall at midnight and shopping all through the night has been my thanksgiving tradition.

Thanksgiving dinner- 2013 @ my place.

Apart from all the shopping, meeting friends and eating rich food -- the tradition I love the most is making a list of things I am thankful for, because each time I do it, I have a new found appreciation about the things/people I have in my life.

So here's my list for this year: ( This is going to be a long post so please bear with me)

1. I am thankful for the wonderful family I have- This year I became closer to my parents and I am mending the distance I had developed with my mother over the years.

2. I am thankful for the wonderful friends I have- who stuck by me through my adversities and helped me become a better person. (Manish Harnur, Shankar Ganesan, Vallabh Prakash, Shreyas Payal, Deepika Podila, Arvind Iyer, Vikram Ramanarayanan, Poornima Balakrishnan, Suhas Thotada Ravi, Prathyusha Chilagani, Sanjay Shanthakumar, Kathik Shekar)

3. I am thankful for finding a job that I love: I found this job when all others failed and I was about to  go back home. It was a happy accident. My learning curve has been exponential. 

4. I am thankful for all things related to USC: Leavey Library, fountain near Tommy Trojan, Ground Zero, Alumni Park, Olin Hall of Engineering.

5. I am thankful for the beautiful apartment I am living in.

6. I am thankful for the city I am living in. I am exploring LA and its been an awesome experience so far- the beaches, museums, restaurants, coffee bars. The list goes on and on.

7. I am thankful for all the holidays I could take this year- Yosemite national park, Acadia national park, Death Valley national park, Catalina Island and the upcoming trip to Florida :D

8. I am thankful for the invention of anti- depressants and ADHD medicines.

9. I am thankful for the existence of the following technologies- Internet, Cell phone, Air Travel,  MacBook Air, Kindle reader, Ipod, digital cameras,Netflix, Pandora.

10. I am thankful for being able to understand myself, re-discover my passions and over come adversity.

11. I am thankful for all the courses I learned/ learning on Coursera:

12. Last but not the least ( actually this is the most important one)- I am thankful for prayers: Hanuman Chalisa, Vishnu Sahasranamam, Aditya Hridayam, Bhajagovindam, Guru Bhakti Geeta and various devotional songs which has been a guiding lamp, source of solace and tranquility in my life.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The GOP hypocrisy

After I started following Aaron Sorkin's magnum opus ' The West Wing' I became extremely interested in knowing more about the way policies are shaped in Washington. I must admit that I really had no idea about the ideologies of the Republicans and the Democrats. I was apolitical during the 2012 elections, though I leaned towards Romney in the end. 

That's because the conservative ideologies of the Republican Party appealed to me - less debt, less taxes, more growth, better family values, affinity towards religion and so on. That changed when I started watching West Wing, which in turn led me to read a lot of books/ watch documentaries about various issues plaguing the world. That's when I realized the hypocrisy of the conservative values preached by the Republicans. 

I never considered myself to be an environmentally conscious person. Moving to the US four years ago made me conscious about the way I spent my money. I was on a student's budget and I had to optimize the limited resources. So I tried to eat as many meals at home as possible, minimize food wastage, stop spending on stuff that was considered a luxury (more shoes, clothes, junk like cookies, chocolate) and use public transport. Not buying stuff that I would rarely use/ make me unhealthy had its benefits - I was healthy and fit thanks to home cooked healthy meals and I saved money. I used this money to pursue things that gave me a lot of happiness as opposed to the instant gratification I would get by buying shoes, accessories, clothes etc. 

Traveling in the US has been the greatest experience of my life. It broadened my horizons of thinking by leaps and bounds. Coming from India I was not accustomed to seeing such vast and empty lands with forests! This made me appreciate nature in its virgin form and I became interested in nature conservatism. This interest made me a convert and I adopted a minimalistic lifestyle, even though I am earning and can afford luxuries. I haven't bought clothes in over a year because my wardrobe is already bursting in its seams and I wont replenish the stock until my clothes wear out. I haven't bought other accessories like handbags, shoes, bedspreads etc because I barely use the ones I have. I don't buy packaged food, bottled juices, pasta sauces so that I cut down on the amount of plastic and glass waste. To what ever extent possible I cook and eat at home and I haven't wasted food in over two years now. I try to limit my showers to less than five minutes

I digress. Coming back to the topic, I really don't understand the ideologies of the Republicans where they preach solutions without realizing that they are the root cause of the problems.

1. They are staunch advocators of the 'American Dream' which encourages over consumption and living beyond means. They call this overconsumption and destruction of environment as growth. They trash the environmental lobby for advocating green reforms in industries by calling them anti- growth and communist. However common sense dictates that the more you consume beyond your means the more debt you will be in. This debt cycle is designed such that the money is transferred from the lower/ middle class to the upper class and without debt there will be no super rich CEO's and executives on Wall Street who fund the Republicans. Yet they claim that they are ' Fiscal conservative' meaning that they want lesser debt and balanced budget. How is that even possible when they are responsible for encouraging people to get into the debt cycle?
2. They are pro-choice, try to marginalize the effectiveness of contraceptives,cry fowl over universal health care which enables woman to get birth control for free and educational benefits given to the lower class immigrants. Yet they show utmost contempt and fear towards the growing numbers of the immigrant population knowing very well that this problem can be solved with universal health care and better education. 
3. They are anti-immigration and take measures and spend billions to curb the mexican population crossing the border. They blame the illegal immigrants of stealing the american jobs. Since the Reagan administration the population control administration in Mexico is getting lesser funds from the US to fight population explosion. Even the funds they get come with a clause- Abortion was made illegal, echoing the conservative policies (read appeasing the church) of the Republicans. They stall programs aimed at curtailing the number of children per woman in Mexico and Latin America and yet blame overpopulation as the cause of illegal immigration.

Thanks West Wing for making me realize the hypocrisy of the Republican Party.

LA Meri Jaan!

Sometimes I feel

Like I don't have a partner

Sometimes I feel

Like my only friend

Is the city I live in

The city of Angels

-- These are the first few lines taken from the song ' Under the bridge' by Red Hot Chili Peppers. This is how I feel about Los Angeles. 

My life took a dramatic turn 4.5 years ago when I left home and came to LA for my higher studies. While Bangalore is my birth city, LA is my re-birth city. LA is where I metamorphosed into the person I am today. Life was not easy in LA- especially to a girl who left behind her sheltered and privileged existence. I had to do everything on my own, I had to live with people I did not know and I had to work very hard to achieve my goals.

I struggled because of loneliness, stress, deadlines (I had a knack of selecting the toughest courses), issues with room- mates. For the first few months I had a constant urge to go back home, back to my comfort zone. But eventually I learned to fight my fears. I learned to work hard. I learned to make friends. I learned the art of networking. I learned how to be independent. I learned a lot about data analytics. I learned to be a better person. I learned a lot about myself. 

Its been an exhilarating journey. I graduated from school two years ago. I have been working with USC ever since. LA is the city which helped me define myself. LA is the city which taught me to explore. Though I live alone I never get lonely. Because LA is my muse.

P.S. I love walking around in downtown and taking pics. Here are the few pics taken during my walks. 

Walt disney concert hall

Grand Central Market

Olvera Street- Oldest part of LA

Grand Avenue ' Stars' at night

Grand central park- Civic center

Los Angeles Public Library and US Bank tower

Los Angeles Public Library from Bunker hill steps

My beloved apartment complex- Milano lofts

Check out my guest blog!

I was a guest blogger for my friends blog. Check out the article @

http://plundermymind.blogspot.com/2013/10/predictive-analysis-and-ok-cupid.html

I am on the marriage market- Thanks to my parents!

My apologies for not posting  in over a month! I have a lot left in my drafts and will hopefully edit them this week and post it. However I have my first guest blogger! Suhas aka Boi! He s my friend since high school and is endowed with the knack of ' annoying the crap out of me'. 

Our fights and arguments is considered legendary amongst our friends. We also had an argument about who gets married first. Suhas was very sure that I would attend his wedding with my husband and two kids. Turns out he's getting closer to being married than I am. So here's the account of his entry into the marriage market:

I am on the marriage market- Thanks to my parents:

My start to a very debatable topic that has plagued a gazillion people the world over and especially where I live : India. 

The land of the strange for people from foreign lands, the land with a million gods and a million more stories and the land from which some guy wrote the best sex manual ever. Everything changes and similarly things started changing over here too. Freedom of expression got a new meaning at base level and it was respected save a few things and amongst those few are the parents right over their kids.

Parents are the self elected righteous decision making adjudicators in their kid’s lives and all hell breaks loose when they come of age i.e during the time of their marriage and oh boy it was a catastrophe when my turn came in.

Being a 25 year old guy from a respectable family, I got my hands full if being a doctor wasn’t enough. I got it going pretty decent me being from clan bearing the ‘y’ chromosome. Parents allow their kids freedom in every aspects saying that they respect their opinions, their wills and wishes, but when it comes to choosing our life partners, the entire dynamics change and we are apparently the biggest retards that ever existed. Here is how my story went:

I work in hospital 40 miles away from my home and I generally come home on weekends. Its usually a sort of a get away for me after a long hard week having to deal with patients and 1 weekend was no different-or so I thought.

I come home and after giving my folks a montage about my week’s mortality rate I generally end up playing on my desktop. I was acing counterstrike playing as a counter terrorist with a sniper. I was on a roll…raking up kills one after the other. I noticed my parents walk into the living room exactly the way predators stalk their pray. I made a mental note of their presence through the corner of my eyes, but ignored them and happily went on my killing spree with accurate head shots. My dad curiously came and saw what I was playing and after a bit of 'tsk tsk,' went back to take his place on the sofa…

Next 10 mins ensued in total silence when I got the 1^st drift that something was up but did not acknowledge it. My mother broke the silence saying ‘Suhas’. Ok now I knew something was definitely up since my parents never called me by my name. I am usually called by a load of nicknames in my household since childhood. So there was a first, but I was still oblivious to it as I was completely engrossed in killing terrorists playing against a bunch of dudes from Hungary.

“Suhas, turn off the PC. We need to talk to you”

“Sure mom go ahead and talk. I’m listening” Bam bam boom.

“Its important”

“Yes I’m sure it is, talk…I’m listening” I said going in for record kills

“We’re planning on getting you married”

KABOOM…! I  got a headshot and got the shock of my life as I watched my virtual blood splatter all over the monitor.

I was literally like What The FUCK…! 

Dad  glared at me and said “Watch the profanity boy.”

I was dumbstruck. I could feel the floor disappear from beneath my feet and getting the wind knocked out of my lungs at the same time. Suddenly I had this mental note about a piece of A4 paper going through a paper shredder.

After taking in the punch, I rebounded back:

“Dad. What the hell is wrong with you people..?... Im not getting married so soon”

“Not soon my dear son. After you complete your course.”

“But that’s like in a year, Im not getting married until I am at least 30 years”

Woah..! the incredulous look that my mom gave when I said 30 years was so memorable. She looked as though I had asked her for both her kidneys.

That's when it all started. My parents launched a psychological warfare with no holds barred. They started off saying that it was a matter of responsibility for them, and they had to start looking for a girl now in case they had to zero in on a girl by the end of a year….seriously..???( I had this vivid visualization of my parents walking among a crowded street trading brides-to-be in a slave market types)

Then they started out stating the pros of getting married early on how you can have a kid early and  be done with responsibilities early in my life and exactly 55 years 8 months 2 days 10 hrs later they had finished theirs and majority of what I heard was just blah blah blah and blah blah….

O.K First of all. I don’t wanna handle a repulsive kid so early in my life. Secondly I don’t want have the responsibility of getting married and upholding it so early in my life. Third, I got a lot of agendas with a lot of unfinished business in my life and getting married wasn’t one of them. Hell, even the thought of it made me squirm and made me feel like drowning myself in a glass of water.

Further on they started asking me what type of a girl I wanted assuming that I had consented to their proposal-- Like whether I wanted a working woman or a home-maker and a whole lot of other questions based on complexion, height and educational qualifications (gee guys..looks like somebody still makes em like they used to)

After A whole lot of arguing, huffing and puffing, the argument ended up in a stalemate where no consensus was reached. But 1 thing was for sure, things have escalated to a whole new level and I have to be on my guard and have to plan on contingencies ASAP. And the fight still goes on.

My love affair with Desserts.

I have always had a craze for sweets/desserts. I inherited this from my Amma dear, who is extremely fond of sweets.

Mom was strict when it came to my eating habits. She made sure that I had healthy wholesome meals and controlled my intake of junk. This rule however was broken when it came to me eating sweets.

I never missed an opportunity to go to Asha Sweets in Malleshwaram with mom because I could easily convince her to buy me a lot of sweets. She would not fuss too much if ate a whole box of sweets.

My mom made a lot of sweets at home as well. (I truly, madly, deeply love her Khova barfi). I usually got shouted at for nicking chips and other junk from the kitchen.  But when ever I stole sweets, she would laugh it off and let it go. 

My exposure to European desserts while in India was very limited. The non- Indian desserts that I knew off, was cake, chocolate mousse and biscuits. When I landed in the US 4 years ago, a whole new world of desserts opened up to me. Being a grad student I could not afford to spend money on fine dining and delicate french desserts on a regular basis. But when I did try something I would be amazed at the incorporation of various textures, flavors and finesse into a single dessert. I will never forget the first time I ate Cheesecake Factory's  Godiva cheesecake or my first plated dessert at Mi Piace- Pasadena. 

My first plated dessert!

Once I started working and had some money of my own I started spending a bit more on trying out exotic desserts. But I never really thought of making those desserts myself.  That changed when I was gifted a dessert recipes cookbook for my 24th birthday. I poured over the book day and night and decided to give dessert making a try.

I made dessert after dessert and I perfected the cheesecake recipe. I also learned to make orange cake, sponge cakes with chocolate ganache, creme brulee (of various flavors), panna cotta and different types of layer cakes. I bought an ice-cream maker and started making ice-creams as well.

Godiva chocolate cheesecake, Marble Cheese cake and pistachio ice cream.

Caramel Flan

As a consequence of having to finish the desserts by myself (I don't have friends who are crazy about sweets like me) I became heavier and heavier. My belly had become so big that it looked like I was pregnant. That's when I stopped making desserts and started the war with my body fat. I have lost 20 pounds and no longer look pregnant. But I do miss making rich desserts so so so so so much. 

Moving on to the brighter side of things I stay very close to Bottega Louie. When ever I miss making artsy ,creamy, lip- smacking desserts I just go in and check out their dessert display. Sigh!

The desserts on display at Bottega Louie

I think I need a guinea pig.

Michaela Cross's CNN article.

There is a huge storm of articles and blogs that's been circulating after Michaela Cross posted an article in CNN about her experiences in India. Reading those articles brought back some unpleasant memories. The memories I have tried very hard to suppress. 

Before I share my experience I would like to make something very clear- I do not HATE India or think that all Indian men are bad!! In fact my best friend is a guy and some of the guys I know are probably the nicest people on Earth. I am not trying vilify India or Indian culture. I am extremely proud of my culture and heritage and I think I am blessed to be born an Indian. They say home is where your heart is, and I left my heart back home in Bangalore, India. 

But I do believe in accepting some bitter facts about my home. I know India has so many experiences to offer but sometimes it does get hampered by some creep who thinks he can grope/ sexually harass woman and get away with it. It is the bitter truth. The reason I never felt comfortable taking a solo trip in India.

Using public transport in Bangalore was sort of a weird experience for me. Let me explain why- It was a great learning experience, I could travel on my own without depending on my parents, it was a nice way to meet new people from different walks of life and have interesting conversations, it taught me never to take the luxuries I had for granted and gave me a sense of independence. But it also scarred me emotionally. I was eagerly waiting for the day I would turn 16 so that I could have my own vehicle and not use public transport.

This animosity towards public transport started due to an incident that happened in the year 1999 when I was 12 years old. That was my first time traveling alone in B'lore buses. Up until then my mom would accompany me when I had to use the bus. I was very excited at the thought of traveling alone and handling money! I waited for the bus to arrive at the stop with bated breath and squealed with delight when I got on to it and paid money for my ticket. The bus was crowded and I could not find a seat to sit in, so I found a place where I could stand without realizing that I was at the boundary of men' s side of the bus. As more people got in I got pushed back into the men's space. That's when it happened- Some one pinched my butt. At first I was too scared to look back because I did not know how to react! I was a 12 year old who had no idea about sex let alone sexual harassment! Next I felt something hard rubbing on my butt. I thought someone put their hand there by mistake because I had no idea what it was! But the rubbing felt weird. This time I dared to look back- It was a middle aged man, probably older than my dad who was holding on to his son with both hands! I asked him to stop doing whatever he was doing. This was his response 'Oh yeah? What will you do if I don't stop?'. His blood shot eyes and fierce expression scared the hell out of me out. I asked a lady standing in front of me to help me with tears in my eyes. The lady snapped back at me and said 'This is what happens if you wear such short sleeveless frocks. You deserve what is happening to you'. It was like my whole world was spinning and I had no idea what to do. 

I tried to ask some women standing in front of me to make way so that I could go to the front away from that disgusting man. No one cared to budge. I decided to get out of the bus at the next stop and walk to my destination. I walked 3 kms in the hot sun crying. I had no idea how to could get rid of the pain in my head. I just wanted to go home and cry. I was cranky throughout the dentist's appointment and threw a million tantrums at my dad who was waiting for me at the dentist's office. I was too ashamed to tell him about the incident. After my dad dropped me home my mother asked me how my bus ride was. I could not keep it in any longer and burst into tears and told her what happened. This was her reaction -'This always happens in the bus. Next time if it happens do not confront him, you never know what sort of a manic he is. He could follow you home and throw acid on your face. From next time just push your way to the front in between the ladies, or wait for an emptier bus. Now stop being a baby about this and deal with it'. I was aghast for being called a baby instead of receiving some sympathy. I cried for three more days threw more tantrums at my parents and refused to go to school or step out of the house. Finally I got over it and never remembered that incident until I read Michaela Cross's account.

From then on I tried to avoid public transport as much as I could. I even resorted to stealing money from my dad's wallet, so that I could take an auto instead of the bus (My parents thought traveling alone by auto was unsafe and refused to give me money for it). But the groping and grabbing did not stop-- It happened while I was standing in queue at Tirupathi with my parents, while  I was buying flowers for my mom in Malleshwaram market and by a cop who stopped me to check if I had my DL. (A freaking cop! When I shouted at him and pushed his hands away from my breasts. He threatened to put me in jail for my behavior. Thankfully the road was dark , I started my vehicle, knocked him over and sped away before he could get the license plate number). The sad part is that I was molested in spite of being an Indian and wearing baggy non provocative Indian clothes that covered my whole body.

Many Indians were enraged at Michaela Cross's article and tried to defend India. She was probably traumatized to such an extent that it overshadowed her positive experiences . That's how I felt after my first bus trip. I forgot about my earlier delight, after the groping incident and tried to repress the whole memory. 

Is there a solution to this? I have no idea. But I do think accepting the existence of this dirty secret instead of ignoring/defending  is probably the first step to take.

Here is the link to a poem written by my good friend Arvind- who is an Indian and a male- and  is one of the nicest people I know. 

Why I changed the name of my blog

I am sure my blog name raises a lot of questions. Or maybe not.

I look like a grownup but I am child at heart. I jump with joy when I eat M&M s, or go wheeeee when the breeze blows my frizzy hair to make it look like a beehive. Such small pleasures make me very very very happy. The clear lack of maturity in my behavior and mannerisms used to irk my parents particularly my amma dear, who expected me to be prim, proper and dignified,  hallmarks of a girl from a good family.

But pretending to be something I am not, is really hard. Being a child from within helps me enjoy life and gives me a sense of freedom. I have always thought of myself as Calvin (From Bill Watterson's comic Calvin and Hobbes)-- naughty, hyper, constant source of annoyance to his mother and six forever. (Sorry mom, I know you tried really hard to change me and I know that you did it out of love. I also know you have come to terms with who I am and love me for it and I am thankful for that.)

When I watched titanic in the year 2000 (I was 13) I was baffled as to why the heroine- Rose DeWitt Bukater (who seemed to have everything - good looks, rich fiance and all the luxuries she ever wanted) wanted to run away from her good life. As I grew older I understood why she wanted to run away. She craved for the freedom. The freedom to be a child. The freedom to explore the magical world.

I don't know if Rose in Titanic made peace with her mother, but I sure did, which is frigging awesome because I don't know what I would do without my amma dear and best daddy.

I am back to the blogo-sphere, with a bang and change!

They say that third time's the charm. Hopefully I will continue to maintain this blog and not delete it.

I have posted all the post's that I have saved from my previous blog (It's not a lot I know). Going through my old posts made me realize the change in my writing style!! In my old posts, I shortened the words (special was spl, friends was frens-- well you get the idea). I realized this was due to my excessive SMS-ing back then and in order to keep the messages short , I shortened the words. This became a habit and was carried on to my blogs as well. It also seems that I did not care about punctuation. I also stared in horror at the blatant grammatical mistakes, incorrect spellings and hopeless formatting. I did manage to edit a couple of posts before I got annoyed. It felt like I was re-writing the whole thing from scratch and I gave up. I suppose the unedited posts will remain as a vestige of my formative years. 

The other day I was annoyed with a cousin of mine because she shortened the words while chatting with me on Gmail. Right now I feel like a hypocrite. Sorry my dear cousin. 

I no longer shorten my words and try very hard to articulate my sentences in a grammatically correct manner.  I have also become anal about formatting, spellings and punctuation.  Of course I tend to slip into my old habits when chatting on Gmail. Its probably because I just type and not read my content before I hit send. Thank you very much fast paced chatting! You are indeed very instrumental in the ruin of my once impeccable English.  (I had the highest grade in English, wrote various articles for the school magazine and won numerous prizes in debating and extempore competitions.)  Sigh! 

P.S. I am not sure what brought about this change in me. I guess its the after effects of having worked for over two years with a professor, at USC, who happens to be a brilliant writer and orator. (God bless him for that.)

Modified old post. An ode to my Hobbes!

I know a guitarist, who has been one of my greatest friends ever.

He is tall and lanky and often times cranky!!

He thinks he is a big man[LOL] and tries to act like one-- little does he realize that he is a bigger kid than me!!![Double LOL]

He is there to make me laugh when I am about to cry and makes me cry when I am about to laugh.

Talks a lot about hitting on girls, but doesn't realize that he hasn’t got the mojo to do that! :P

Head bangs a lot while playing his guitar and I banged my head watching him head bang (It cracks me up and I end up bumping my head against the wall! Ouch!)

Calls me up at 3 AM when I’m sleeping, just because he is bored.

Plans to study for an exam and ends up watching prison break

Thanks for being there, when I needed you. People say you are very lucky if you find a best friend like Hobbes. I found my Hobbes in you and I am very lucky.

Cheers! (FYI: You still look funny!)

An old post. Dug this out from my old blog.

Reviewing the last few hours of being 19

Hello, [this is for all the nice ones reading my blog!! You are going to be a blessed one for checking it out].

I still have 3 hours 7 min left, for my teenage to get over [sob sob] and finally m turning twenty [though according to a lot of my friends my mental age is still 6, I prefer to be 6] so I make a review of the so called surprise party my friends gave [I had a lot of fun guys, though it was not an exact surprise, love you all for it..] a special mention to Shreyas, --thanks for the wonderful CD. You are making a lot of effort to help me grow up!!Love you for it. Now that I am done with all the basic mushy stuff, let me get going with what I wanted to write.

My birthday is tomorrow [make sure u guys wish me] so they kind of knew I would not risk a trip to the library tomorrow [I really try hard to study but what the heck there are a lot of smart people to stare at! Meenu you know what I’m talking about] so they thought they are going to surprise me today. But fate had destined otherwise.

It all started with Sudu telling me that he is going to teach me some concepts in Solid State Devices [the saddest subject ever] and Sana promising me that she is going to learn mic pro programs with me [I guess m going to flunk in it, as Sana dint fulfil her promise] but I slept late last night, and ended up waking up at 9[every day I make a resolution to wake up at 5]. So my day began with me realizing that my hair was smelling like a stink whole [I really needed a wash] and with my dad yelling at me because I forgot to pick up my vehicle from the service center. So I call up Sana to tell her m going to be late [and she asked me to come ASAP] and then my dad reminds me that I need to go to Whitefield to pick up a spare part for my vehicle. So I called back Sana and told her I can’t come, due to some issues. That’s when the barrage of messages start [where are u?? y cant u come?? Tall(Shreyas) is coming to teach PGMS and so on] When I was on my way I get a message from Nupur wishing me happy b'day, and a lot of frantic calls from my friends[I m really sorry guys, I don’t pick calls when I ride, as I am prone to a lot accidents without even trying].

Aaand! I hit my eureka moment

1. I’m lost

2. My sweet friends are planning to throw me a surprise party [It wasn’t a surprise anymore]

But I needed to confirm that they indeed are planning to give me a party because dad would not be too pleased if I did not get the work done. [Shame, after living in Bangalore for 20 years of my life, I do tend to get lost quiet often… Navigating in the roads of Bangalore is like trying to figure out a maze]. So I call up Shreyas and he was pissed off [ok I know u guys wanted to surprise me, and well I AM SURPRISED]. Next I get Meenu's message saying I’m needed in college because they planned to celebrate the fact that I was born [Pun intended].

So I make a detour, manage to figure my way out and reach college before I ran out of fuel [I am very famous for riding my bike with minimum fuel] So party proceeded with full swing and vigor and I ended up with a lot of cake on my face [I am sure they took out the frustration of waiting for me to turn up by throwing cake at me and I look like I have gotten a chocolate facial]. I got nice gifts too [I love the cd's] and trust me this was one of the best birthday's I ever had!!! thank u all for making me feel nice and special [Special thanks to Nandi who is always there for me, Sana my PJ(poor joke) partner, Disha my fashion guru, Shreyas who is in charge of helping me grow up, Chotu who is planning to do a documentary with me, Arjun who manages to stand my gibberish messages, Sudu who is bent upon on making fun of me, Meenu who is always there to give me company when I need to freak out,  to Jithin, Hasham and Sudhir who made my IT class days memorable and all the other guys who came to wish me!!].Thank u sooo soo much!!! It was very sweet of u guys!!

P.S Shreyas your gift was the best. Someday I will watch it with you:-D along with Meenu!!!

P.P.S I am real sorry for making u guys wait that long. I know I wasted your precious time, but thanks so much for waiting!!