My love affair with Desserts.

I have always had a craze for sweets/desserts. I inherited this from my Amma dear, who is extremely fond of sweets.

Mom was strict when it came to my eating habits. She made sure that I had healthy wholesome meals and controlled my intake of junk. This rule however was broken when it came to me eating sweets.

I never missed an opportunity to go to Asha Sweets in Malleshwaram with mom because I could easily convince her to buy me a lot of sweets. She would not fuss too much if ate a whole box of sweets.

My mom made a lot of sweets at home as well. (I truly, madly, deeply love her Khova barfi). I usually got shouted at for nicking chips and other junk from the kitchen.  But when ever I stole sweets, she would laugh it off and let it go. 

My exposure to European desserts while in India was very limited. The non- Indian desserts that I knew off, was cake, chocolate mousse and biscuits. When I landed in the US 4 years ago, a whole new world of desserts opened up to me. Being a grad student I could not afford to spend money on fine dining and delicate french desserts on a regular basis. But when I did try something I would be amazed at the incorporation of various textures, flavors and finesse into a single dessert. I will never forget the first time I ate Cheesecake Factory's  Godiva cheesecake or my first plated dessert at Mi Piace- Pasadena. 

My first plated dessert!

Once I started working and had some money of my own I started spending a bit more on trying out exotic desserts. But I never really thought of making those desserts myself.  That changed when I was gifted a dessert recipes cookbook for my 24th birthday. I poured over the book day and night and decided to give dessert making a try.

I made dessert after dessert and I perfected the cheesecake recipe. I also learned to make orange cake, sponge cakes with chocolate ganache, creme brulee (of various flavors), panna cotta and different types of layer cakes. I bought an ice-cream maker and started making ice-creams as well.

Godiva chocolate cheesecake, Marble Cheese cake and pistachio ice cream.

Caramel Flan

As a consequence of having to finish the desserts by myself (I don't have friends who are crazy about sweets like me) I became heavier and heavier. My belly had become so big that it looked like I was pregnant. That's when I stopped making desserts and started the war with my body fat. I have lost 20 pounds and no longer look pregnant. But I do miss making rich desserts so so so so so much. 

Moving on to the brighter side of things I stay very close to Bottega Louie. When ever I miss making artsy ,creamy, lip- smacking desserts I just go in and check out their dessert display. Sigh!

The desserts on display at Bottega Louie

I think I need a guinea pig.

Michaela Cross's CNN article.

There is a huge storm of articles and blogs that's been circulating after Michaela Cross posted an article in CNN about her experiences in India. Reading those articles brought back some unpleasant memories. The memories I have tried very hard to suppress. 

Before I share my experience I would like to make something very clear- I do not HATE India or think that all Indian men are bad!! In fact my best friend is a guy and some of the guys I know are probably the nicest people on Earth. I am not trying vilify India or Indian culture. I am extremely proud of my culture and heritage and I think I am blessed to be born an Indian. They say home is where your heart is, and I left my heart back home in Bangalore, India. 

But I do believe in accepting some bitter facts about my home. I know India has so many experiences to offer but sometimes it does get hampered by some creep who thinks he can grope/ sexually harass woman and get away with it. It is the bitter truth. The reason I never felt comfortable taking a solo trip in India.

Using public transport in Bangalore was sort of a weird experience for me. Let me explain why- It was a great learning experience, I could travel on my own without depending on my parents, it was a nice way to meet new people from different walks of life and have interesting conversations, it taught me never to take the luxuries I had for granted and gave me a sense of independence. But it also scarred me emotionally. I was eagerly waiting for the day I would turn 16 so that I could have my own vehicle and not use public transport.

This animosity towards public transport started due to an incident that happened in the year 1999 when I was 12 years old. That was my first time traveling alone in B'lore buses. Up until then my mom would accompany me when I had to use the bus. I was very excited at the thought of traveling alone and handling money! I waited for the bus to arrive at the stop with bated breath and squealed with delight when I got on to it and paid money for my ticket. The bus was crowded and I could not find a seat to sit in, so I found a place where I could stand without realizing that I was at the boundary of men' s side of the bus. As more people got in I got pushed back into the men's space. That's when it happened- Some one pinched my butt. At first I was too scared to look back because I did not know how to react! I was a 12 year old who had no idea about sex let alone sexual harassment! Next I felt something hard rubbing on my butt. I thought someone put their hand there by mistake because I had no idea what it was! But the rubbing felt weird. This time I dared to look back- It was a middle aged man, probably older than my dad who was holding on to his son with both hands! I asked him to stop doing whatever he was doing. This was his response 'Oh yeah? What will you do if I don't stop?'. His blood shot eyes and fierce expression scared the hell out of me out. I asked a lady standing in front of me to help me with tears in my eyes. The lady snapped back at me and said 'This is what happens if you wear such short sleeveless frocks. You deserve what is happening to you'. It was like my whole world was spinning and I had no idea what to do. 

I tried to ask some women standing in front of me to make way so that I could go to the front away from that disgusting man. No one cared to budge. I decided to get out of the bus at the next stop and walk to my destination. I walked 3 kms in the hot sun crying. I had no idea how to could get rid of the pain in my head. I just wanted to go home and cry. I was cranky throughout the dentist's appointment and threw a million tantrums at my dad who was waiting for me at the dentist's office. I was too ashamed to tell him about the incident. After my dad dropped me home my mother asked me how my bus ride was. I could not keep it in any longer and burst into tears and told her what happened. This was her reaction -'This always happens in the bus. Next time if it happens do not confront him, you never know what sort of a manic he is. He could follow you home and throw acid on your face. From next time just push your way to the front in between the ladies, or wait for an emptier bus. Now stop being a baby about this and deal with it'. I was aghast for being called a baby instead of receiving some sympathy. I cried for three more days threw more tantrums at my parents and refused to go to school or step out of the house. Finally I got over it and never remembered that incident until I read Michaela Cross's account.

From then on I tried to avoid public transport as much as I could. I even resorted to stealing money from my dad's wallet, so that I could take an auto instead of the bus (My parents thought traveling alone by auto was unsafe and refused to give me money for it). But the groping and grabbing did not stop-- It happened while I was standing in queue at Tirupathi with my parents, while  I was buying flowers for my mom in Malleshwaram market and by a cop who stopped me to check if I had my DL. (A freaking cop! When I shouted at him and pushed his hands away from my breasts. He threatened to put me in jail for my behavior. Thankfully the road was dark , I started my vehicle, knocked him over and sped away before he could get the license plate number). The sad part is that I was molested in spite of being an Indian and wearing baggy non provocative Indian clothes that covered my whole body.

Many Indians were enraged at Michaela Cross's article and tried to defend India. She was probably traumatized to such an extent that it overshadowed her positive experiences . That's how I felt after my first bus trip. I forgot about my earlier delight, after the groping incident and tried to repress the whole memory. 

Is there a solution to this? I have no idea. But I do think accepting the existence of this dirty secret instead of ignoring/defending  is probably the first step to take.

Here is the link to a poem written by my good friend Arvind- who is an Indian and a male- and  is one of the nicest people I know. 

Why I changed the name of my blog

I am sure my blog name raises a lot of questions. Or maybe not.

I look like a grownup but I am child at heart. I jump with joy when I eat M&M s, or go wheeeee when the breeze blows my frizzy hair to make it look like a beehive. Such small pleasures make me very very very happy. The clear lack of maturity in my behavior and mannerisms used to irk my parents particularly my amma dear, who expected me to be prim, proper and dignified,  hallmarks of a girl from a good family.

But pretending to be something I am not, is really hard. Being a child from within helps me enjoy life and gives me a sense of freedom. I have always thought of myself as Calvin (From Bill Watterson's comic Calvin and Hobbes)-- naughty, hyper, constant source of annoyance to his mother and six forever. (Sorry mom, I know you tried really hard to change me and I know that you did it out of love. I also know you have come to terms with who I am and love me for it and I am thankful for that.)

When I watched titanic in the year 2000 (I was 13) I was baffled as to why the heroine- Rose DeWitt Bukater (who seemed to have everything - good looks, rich fiance and all the luxuries she ever wanted) wanted to run away from her good life. As I grew older I understood why she wanted to run away. She craved for the freedom. The freedom to be a child. The freedom to explore the magical world.

I don't know if Rose in Titanic made peace with her mother, but I sure did, which is frigging awesome because I don't know what I would do without my amma dear and best daddy.

I am back to the blogo-sphere, with a bang and change!

They say that third time's the charm. Hopefully I will continue to maintain this blog and not delete it.

I have posted all the post's that I have saved from my previous blog (It's not a lot I know). Going through my old posts made me realize the change in my writing style!! In my old posts, I shortened the words (special was spl, friends was frens-- well you get the idea). I realized this was due to my excessive SMS-ing back then and in order to keep the messages short , I shortened the words. This became a habit and was carried on to my blogs as well. It also seems that I did not care about punctuation. I also stared in horror at the blatant grammatical mistakes, incorrect spellings and hopeless formatting. I did manage to edit a couple of posts before I got annoyed. It felt like I was re-writing the whole thing from scratch and I gave up. I suppose the unedited posts will remain as a vestige of my formative years. 

The other day I was annoyed with a cousin of mine because she shortened the words while chatting with me on Gmail. Right now I feel like a hypocrite. Sorry my dear cousin. 

I no longer shorten my words and try very hard to articulate my sentences in a grammatically correct manner.  I have also become anal about formatting, spellings and punctuation.  Of course I tend to slip into my old habits when chatting on Gmail. Its probably because I just type and not read my content before I hit send. Thank you very much fast paced chatting! You are indeed very instrumental in the ruin of my once impeccable English.  (I had the highest grade in English, wrote various articles for the school magazine and won numerous prizes in debating and extempore competitions.)  Sigh! 

P.S. I am not sure what brought about this change in me. I guess its the after effects of having worked for over two years with a professor, at USC, who happens to be a brilliant writer and orator. (God bless him for that.)

Modified old post. An ode to my Hobbes!

I know a guitarist, who has been one of my greatest friends ever.

He is tall and lanky and often times cranky!!

He thinks he is a big man[LOL] and tries to act like one-- little does he realize that he is a bigger kid than me!!![Double LOL]

He is there to make me laugh when I am about to cry and makes me cry when I am about to laugh.

Talks a lot about hitting on girls, but doesn't realize that he hasn’t got the mojo to do that! :P

Head bangs a lot while playing his guitar and I banged my head watching him head bang (It cracks me up and I end up bumping my head against the wall! Ouch!)

Calls me up at 3 AM when I’m sleeping, just because he is bored.

Plans to study for an exam and ends up watching prison break

Thanks for being there, when I needed you. People say you are very lucky if you find a best friend like Hobbes. I found my Hobbes in you and I am very lucky.

Cheers! (FYI: You still look funny!)

An old post. Dug this out from my old blog.

Reviewing the last few hours of being 19

Hello, [this is for all the nice ones reading my blog!! You are going to be a blessed one for checking it out].

I still have 3 hours 7 min left, for my teenage to get over [sob sob] and finally m turning twenty [though according to a lot of my friends my mental age is still 6, I prefer to be 6] so I make a review of the so called surprise party my friends gave [I had a lot of fun guys, though it was not an exact surprise, love you all for it..] a special mention to Shreyas, --thanks for the wonderful CD. You are making a lot of effort to help me grow up!!Love you for it. Now that I am done with all the basic mushy stuff, let me get going with what I wanted to write.

My birthday is tomorrow [make sure u guys wish me] so they kind of knew I would not risk a trip to the library tomorrow [I really try hard to study but what the heck there are a lot of smart people to stare at! Meenu you know what I’m talking about] so they thought they are going to surprise me today. But fate had destined otherwise.

It all started with Sudu telling me that he is going to teach me some concepts in Solid State Devices [the saddest subject ever] and Sana promising me that she is going to learn mic pro programs with me [I guess m going to flunk in it, as Sana dint fulfil her promise] but I slept late last night, and ended up waking up at 9[every day I make a resolution to wake up at 5]. So my day began with me realizing that my hair was smelling like a stink whole [I really needed a wash] and with my dad yelling at me because I forgot to pick up my vehicle from the service center. So I call up Sana to tell her m going to be late [and she asked me to come ASAP] and then my dad reminds me that I need to go to Whitefield to pick up a spare part for my vehicle. So I called back Sana and told her I can’t come, due to some issues. That’s when the barrage of messages start [where are u?? y cant u come?? Tall(Shreyas) is coming to teach PGMS and so on] When I was on my way I get a message from Nupur wishing me happy b'day, and a lot of frantic calls from my friends[I m really sorry guys, I don’t pick calls when I ride, as I am prone to a lot accidents without even trying].

Aaand! I hit my eureka moment

1. I’m lost

2. My sweet friends are planning to throw me a surprise party [It wasn’t a surprise anymore]

But I needed to confirm that they indeed are planning to give me a party because dad would not be too pleased if I did not get the work done. [Shame, after living in Bangalore for 20 years of my life, I do tend to get lost quiet often… Navigating in the roads of Bangalore is like trying to figure out a maze]. So I call up Shreyas and he was pissed off [ok I know u guys wanted to surprise me, and well I AM SURPRISED]. Next I get Meenu's message saying I’m needed in college because they planned to celebrate the fact that I was born [Pun intended].

So I make a detour, manage to figure my way out and reach college before I ran out of fuel [I am very famous for riding my bike with minimum fuel] So party proceeded with full swing and vigor and I ended up with a lot of cake on my face [I am sure they took out the frustration of waiting for me to turn up by throwing cake at me and I look like I have gotten a chocolate facial]. I got nice gifts too [I love the cd's] and trust me this was one of the best birthday's I ever had!!! thank u all for making me feel nice and special [Special thanks to Nandi who is always there for me, Sana my PJ(poor joke) partner, Disha my fashion guru, Shreyas who is in charge of helping me grow up, Chotu who is planning to do a documentary with me, Arjun who manages to stand my gibberish messages, Sudu who is bent upon on making fun of me, Meenu who is always there to give me company when I need to freak out,  to Jithin, Hasham and Sudhir who made my IT class days memorable and all the other guys who came to wish me!!].Thank u sooo soo much!!! It was very sweet of u guys!!

P.S Shreyas your gift was the best. Someday I will watch it with you:-D along with Meenu!!!

P.P.S I am real sorry for making u guys wait that long. I know I wasted your precious time, but thanks so much for waiting!!